Imperfect Parent

I am not the parent I thought I would be back before I had kids.

Let's face it...I am not that parent tonight that I thought I would be this morning at 5:30 when nobody was awake yet. 

Today my plan was simple...wake up, don't lose my cool, go to bed. That plan was completely shot by 6:15 a.m. 

I spent half of my day today feeling like a failure and the other half of my day feeling like a failure. 

I'm sitting here in a quiet house feeling awful because I experienced the happiest moment of my day today when everyone left for dinner, meaning I didn't have to cook or hear anyone complain for a solid hour and a half, and then immediately experienced the saddest part of my day when I sat down to type and my beaming children were staring at me on my computer. So there I sat feeling like a disaster of a parent because I used to have happy kids and now they are kids who spent the whole day throwing tantrums living seemingly unhappy lives as long as I was around.