Postpartum Depression, PUPPS, And My Son's 2nd Birthday

I've been extremely moody lately. My fuse is short, my tendency to yell is greater than my tendency to speak, and I want it to be someone or something's fault. I don't want it to be just because I am a crabby beast.

My youngest little dude turned 2 yesterday and it wasn't until he went to bed last night after our day of awesome family fun that I realized that my extreme bitchiness that has plagued me recently seems to be stemming from my reflecting back on when he was born.

DO NOT GET ME WRONG! I love everything about being that little boy's mommy. He brings about more happiness and laughter (and hilarious faces) than I ever could have hoped for. I think most parents have a tendency to reflect back to the actual day their child was born as each birthday approaches. And while Blake's birth will always rank up as one of the best days of my life, sadly, I still feel a little anxiety and a LOT of guilt when I think about the time leading up to and following his birth.

I had a really really hard time with everything that came along with having Blake and the parts of it that messed me up the most are currently thrusting me into a state of serious guilt and it is damn near suffocating.

Happy Mother's Day - To The Mom I Can Only Hope To Sort Of Be

I appreciate Mother's Day in an entirely different way now that I am a mom.

That is a pretty obvious statement, but my appreciation is a bit different than you might think.

Yes, I appreciate the homemade cards and crafts that are so adorably made at preschool or at my own kitchen table more than my little boys will ever know, and just the thought of possibly eating a meal at home where I didn't have to cook or clean or prep or care is more than I could ever want.

But my motherly appreciation for Mother's Day is not of what I receive tomorrow or whatever we may do. And while my appreciation is also for all of the moms who are out their doing their mom thing, all of the moms who have struggled struggles that the world may never know and for all of the moms who have been doing this FAR longer than I...the true appreciation I have for Mother's Day is much more simple than all of that.

My appreciation on Mother's Day is simply for my mom.