I wasn't ungrateful (well, actually I probably was ungrateful, but it totally wasn't intentional), and I didn't discount everything she did (well, I probably did, but only because I had no idea what it actually took to do what she did), and I didn't think what she did was easy. But, I definitely didn't know how grateful I truly was, or how much she really did, or how difficult what she did was until I was fortunate enough to become a mom.
I was clueless, really. I mean honestly, there was just no way to know until it was my turn. Even if you think you are prepared, even if you read all of the books, listen to all of the stories told by those who have traveled this road before you, even if you paid attention to and tried to remember all of the things that your mom did that made you feel as loved as you were...there is no way to know what it takes to be a mom until you walk down that road.
If I sat here for days, it would be impossible for me to truly express the gratitude that I have for my mom. And honestly, as each day passes, I learn a little bit more about the ins and outs of this whole momming thing, the gratitude just keeps on growing. All I can really say is that I get it now and knowing what I know (so far) about this whole parenting thing, I have become painfully aware that there have to be at least 1,347,941 thank-you's that I missed along the way because I HAD NO IDEA.
But the truth about being a mom, is that you don't it for the acknowledgment. Sure, I might owe my mom 1,347,941 thank yous, but she isn't keeping score. She didn't do it for the thank yous. She did it because she loved us and because she loved being mom. Being mom is being okay with not always hearing "Thank you." It's appreciating the "Thank you" in its silent forms...the hugs, the late night snuggles when they are sick, the smiles when they cross home plate.
The truth about moms is that we don't need the thank yous. That is just not how it works. No, moms don't wash a load of laundry consisting of nothing but baseball uniforms at midnight because the next game is in a scant 8 hours expecting anyone to sing their praises. And they don't run to the store to pick up treats for school or supplies for a last minute project after everyone is in bed expecting everyone to wake up and be all "I can't believe how much you accomplish far after we all go to bed. We are the luckiest family in the world." We might be hoping for a rushed "thanks" on your way out the door, but we didn't really do it for that either. We do what we do because it is just what we do, not because we expect anyone to notice how everything got done.
Motherhood is a fantastic and wonderful place to be, but the load can be a little heavy from time to time. That family that you are running will probably not truly grasp the magnitude of what you do, and those less obvious ways that you are constantly contributing the the rapidly moving pieces of it all can feel painfully invisible to everyone but yourself some days. And you don't blame them for not knowing what it takes, because you really didn't know either. But the beauty of it is, even in those moments where you are exhausted and burnt out and are feeling a little invisible, we see you. Moms see you. The brand new ones, the sort of new ones, the ones who wish with everything they have that they could just go back to the age where their kids were tantruming in the grocery store because they would do anything to have just one more day with them little...we all see you.
The internet can be quick to judge. It is LOADED with preachy moms who are living their best life every single day and whose kids do not smell like grilled cheese sandwiches and feet. But there is a real big difference between someone's Facebook life and their real life and you cannot dwell on those moms, because the truth about moms is that there are an abundance of us around you living our own variation of chaos every single day. And those moms...those are the moms that see you.
There are plenty of those moms (at all different phases of motherhood) and the truth about those moms is that they see you...and they know.They know the love that you feel. They know that from the moment you became a mom, you were made aware of the intense love that those before you talked about. They know that along with a love that intense comes a worry that intense and they know that the intensity of the two only gets stronger.
They know the guilt and they are the only ones who understand how real Mom Guilt truly is. They know that you are able to tell every mom around you that they should not feel guilty and that you wholeheartedly mean it, even though you fight that battle regularly.
They know that you were struggling long before you cried. Or yelled. Or called your significant other an ass. They know that the thing that looked the most simple on the surface cost you hours of sleep and consisted of all of the stress and they know that sometimes shit just happened to fall into place at just the right moment and you totally lucked out.They know that the birthday party took forever and that halfway through the planning you wondered when you became "that mom." They also know that you threw that other birthday party together in 2 days and that you paid $24.99 for overnight shipping because that purchase didn't qualify for Amazon Prime and ohmygod how did his birthday sneak up on me when he had been asking Alexa how many sleeps until his birthday for approximately 147 days?
They know that the dinner the kids made was
They know that you had to go back through the dishwater and scrub the hell out of those dishes because the food was not washed off but that you don't want to discourage the little dudes from helping because you really do appreciate it and believe it is necessary, but that you are also really effing tired of scrapping fossilized cheese off of the dinner plates. They know that the list of things that impress you is far different than it once was and that list now consists of things like laundry actually being put in the hamper, everyone remembering to wear underwear, shoes being on the right feet, and nobody telling you that they have to pee before you have even made it completely out of the driveway.
They know that you actually do NOT complain all the time (even though your loving family swears that you do) and that you could actually complain about so. much. more. They know that you picked up 739 socks for every 1 you complained about, that you tripped and fell over the shoes 23 times before you lost your shit, and they know that 5 minutes after that 24th fall, you probably looked at those shoes and got all mushy over how it feels like just yesterday when the feet that those shoes belong to were brand new baby feet that you could not get enough of. And they know that you want to go hug your humans that you just yelled at.
They know that you need a vacation after a vacation because holy shit, vacation. And they know that as happy and excited and proud as you are to be able to provide that vacation and spend it with your very thankful family is ALMOST as happy and excited as you would be if someone told you that you could have a one night stay in a hotel room by yourself where you could sit on a balcony enjoying a book and the weather and
They know that you planned to make dinner, that you didn't really enjoy homework tonight either, that you do not want to go to the park, and that sometimes packing a Lunchable makes you an amazing mom because at least you remembered to feed them today.
They know that you are judging yourself on a level that you would never judge anyone else and that the standard you hold yourself to is
They know how your heart hurts when they are hurting. They know that you can actually feel the pain of their heartbreak and disappointment and that you put a brave face on to help them work through whatever the pain was and that you cried when no one was looking. They know that it is rarely easy and always worth it.
They know.
So when it all gets a little heavy, when you are done riding out the high of the Mother's Day praises, when you start to feel a little selfish for wishing that someone would just notice the magnitude of even the smallest things you do...
Remember that the truth is that moms know, and that we see what you do and we know that you are kicking ass in the most important kind of way.
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