Getting my 2 year old to eat is currently going just as well as keeping my hardwood floors in my entryway clean during the slushy snowy winter. I'm not even talking about getting the kid to eat healthy food. No no, I am just talking food in general. If it is food, he is not interested.
This is not a problem I faced with my oldest kid, and it really wasn't that big of a problem with the little dude until recently. And before you get all "just put the food on his plate and make him eat that or nothing" on me - let me just tell you that I have. And we do. And we did. And we will do again. And he just won't eat.
He doesn't care that you won't give him a snack or that he is going to bed hungry. He won't complain about that at all. He'll happily go to bed hungry and he will just move on after a decently manageable fuss when you tell him he can't have a snack. And if you tell him that he has to eat what is in front of him or nothing at all, he is relieved because you gave him the option to eat nothing at all. And when you tell him he has to sit at the table and wait for everyone else to be done, he will. He might be bored or make faces at us all after a while...but he will sit there and he will wait.
There are nights when I don't even bother fighting him and I just accept the fact that he ate nothing other than blueberries and apple sauce and I let him sit there until his brother is done with his food. But then there are the nights when I try my very best to get the kid to eat and I work really hard at coaxing him through the whole dinner eating process. Enter all of the reasons the dude refuses to eat...
1. It is cloudy.
2. Someone said ice cream. He hates ice cream. And now he is thinking about ice cream and obviously that has affected him so deeply that he only sees ice cream when he looks at his plate of something obviously already gross to any 2 year old. You know, like chicken nuggets or something.
3. His tummy hurts.
4. His tummy might hurt later.
5. His brother said carrot. Honestly - he was eating his peach oatmeal like a CHAMP the other morning until his brother asked if there were carrots in it and BOOM. He shut that shit down and didn't eat again until dinner....when he didn't eat again.
6. It is Wednesday.
7. I won't let him put his food in the toy garbage can.
8. Yesterday he wore the dinosaur pajamas.
9. I threw away the banana peel before he finished the banana. Side note - The damn banana peel was ON THE COUNTER because he does not like to eat the banana unless it has been completely removed from the peel. WHY does it matter if the peel is on the counter or in the garbage if it is not even connected to the banana that is being consumed? WHY?
10. He "haves to go poop."
11. He might "haves to go poop" tomorrow.
12. I asked if we could stop talking about poop at the table.
13. He doesn't like forks.
14. I won't give him a knife.
15. There was a piece of green pasta in the multi-colored rotini. Broccoli is green. This pasta sucks.
16. His dad made the eggs. Granted - his dad made the eggs EXACTLY how I told him to make the eggs (one of the few things the kid will still mostly sometimes eat) and he did not see who was making the eggs, yet somehow he knew. And the eggs were "disgusting."
17. It is not a blueberry muffin from Starbucks.
18. Daddy smiled.
19. Mommy yelled.
20. His brother laughed.
21. "NOT THAT BREAD."
22. His sock fell off.
23. We should all wear hats.
24. His hands might get messy. This is not a joke - he is like disgusted by messy hands but only while eating. I don't really know what the deal is...but it is a serious concern of his. One time, I watched him eat an entire blueberry muffin without lifting a finger. It was like watching some weird little toddler version of a pie eating contest. Fascinating.
25. It is not pizza.
26. It is pizza.
27. The cheese looks weird.
28. His eyes are blue.
29. His brother's eyes are brown.
30. He hasn't seen the Ickey Shuffle Geico commercial yet today - which is ironic, because the kid won't touch a cold cut.
31. Someone looked at him.
32. No one will look at him.
33. Everyone looks scared.
34. He is scared.
35. The food broke. I didn't even realize how devastating this could be to a person, but W-O-W. Is that weird? Is my kid the only kid one who cannot handle it when his food breaks? I'm not talking like "OH MAN, my food broke!" I'm talking "My life as I know it has just ended and now I am going to starve to death or pass out from lack of oxygen with this ridiculous tantrum that I'm about to throw." What is up with that? Why is it so hurtful when the cracker breaks in two, or when the Nutri-Grain bar crumbles? I guess we all have our things...
36. It is cold outside.
37. We didn't grill.
38. Someone said 12.
39. It isn't Christmas.
And FINALLY, the ONE excuse that works on me every single time, without fail....
40. He just wants to go to bed.
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